CW- Religious homophobia, language… and an amazing Vegan Devil’s Food Cake recipe!
I have been out of the church for over three years now and almost every night since then I have the same recurring dream: I am back at the church I used to go to, attending a pot-luck, having to have various conversations in which I have to justify, confront or defend coming out as Queer and NB.
In this dream, I shovel boxed yellow cake with sugary, almost greasy white frosting into my mouth and nod away as the table talks about the ‘issue of homosexuality in the church’ I disassociate, as I think to myself in my dream (as I have done so many times before in real life) if they are “onto me.”
You see, I wholeheartedly believed these biased interpretations of the Bible — a book consisting of written epistles, accounting, laws and a graphic poem which were themselves carefully picked by one secretive Council of Nicea before our eldest person alive in the world’s parents’ parents were born and taken as the word of god. The interpretations of these verses coming from often time wealthy or well off, college educated, straight, cis gender (and up until recent history) white men. Folks that know next to nothing of marginalized folk’s struggles, the very people Jesus loved and admonished his followers to care and advocate for.
Mind Olympics rhetoric such as “loving the sinner and not the sin” breeds a certain level of patronage and condescension toward the folks that you are supposed to be loving and Not judging. The prevalent thought they are presented through sermons and teaching is that if Queer and Trans folks are reached and taught long and persistently enough, they too will see the error of their way, repent of their sin and move toward ‘reconciliation with god’ a good Christian will stand firm in their convictions and persist their evangelizing efforts in the name of god and in the name of ‘loving’ this individual enough to share the gospel lest they end up in hell.
When you are in a place of privilege, you can virtually trivialize any part of a minority group’s struggle in order to dehumanize them.
And as christians like to remind people this is a christian nation (it is a colonized, imperialist state that uses evangelical christianity as a tool to keep the machine functioning by keeping folks ignorant and malleable for nefarious purposes) It is easy to justify reprehensible actions like church discipline, shunning from their community, indeed (in some congregations) Queer folks are kept away from their whole families altogether.
Something as strong and resonating as love is defined as narrowly as their own lived lives and world views which in most cases were formulated for them. Cis-het people whom cannot fathom loving a person of a different gender than their opposite yet, ironically fail to see how that is the exact same way Queer folks feel about being heterosexual.
Even something as preposterous, predatory and capitalistic as a prayed over cake, a trip to a horrid conversion camp or an expensive holy water bath can offer salvation if it from something that is (in their brainwashed minds) entirely a person’s choice and easily put away. A sin, a vice, an addiction.
If it were as easy as that, I would have rid myself of my pansexuality a long time ago, while eating stale ass cakes and hearing homophobia around the table. Alas that was not the case and knowing myself and knowing where ‘god stands on this issue’ created so much inner turmoil, self hatred and duality in me… At some point I was told that homosexuality was a spirit, a demon that can be cast away with the right prayer regime. This doctrine did negatively impact my mental health for years after. Until I moved away from christianity altogether and began decolonizing my life and trusting myself.
I am in a much better place, filled with love and support and a growing community of unstoppable, unapologetic QTPOC and can laugh at stuff like this and call it out for what it is. Bullshit. After watching this ridiculous video I thought on it and if there was a cake that can make you Not Queer then my own “Um, I am actually a Vegan,” Devil’s food cake would be in the running. I present you with my recipe and encouragement, things I wished I heard then but didn’t.
First of all, FUCK THIS GUY and anyone with shitty opinions like his.
You and your experiences are valid, beautiful and wholesome already. There is nothing wrong with being who you are and loving the people you love regardless of what your religious upbringing tells you.
5 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
3 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups white sugar
½ cup of brown sugar
2/3 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1 3/4 cups of almond milk + 1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar = vegan buttermilk!
Preheat oven to 350. Line two 9 inch cake pans with waxed paper. Melt unsweetened chocolate in top of a double boiler over simmering water, stirring frequently and scraping down the sides with a rubber spatula. Set aside for 5 minutes.
Sift cake flour, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt together in a large bowl. Whisk sugar, buttermilk, vegetable oil, vanilla extract in a large bowl until well-combined. Stir in half of the sifted flour. Fold in cooled chocolate. Stir in remaining flour. Beat until batter is smooth, about 2 minutes.
Divide batter between cake pans. Bake in the preheated oven until toothpicks inserted in the centers come out clean, about 45 minutes. Cool in pan for ten minutes and invert cakes onto rack.
Can be iced, dusted with powdered sugar or eaten like cakey brownies.
Love is Love.
(Love is also making your loved ones this cake today! Just saying…)